he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
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You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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