Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face