It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015