dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that