why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome