The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.