The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES