I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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