Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
