Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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