to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
