The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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