just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
