I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
