she pinky promised me she was 18
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
