I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize