ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
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Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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