i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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