his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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