That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All the doctor said was why
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
