my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
