i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
