i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
