Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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