Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize