Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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