There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize