if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
tell me about the eggs
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