We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Shame - the story of my life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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