its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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