Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
