so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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