1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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