i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize