About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
