If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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