walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
