I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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