she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
