so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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