Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
