i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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