I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize