i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize