We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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