the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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