Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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