obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
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I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
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I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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