I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
