Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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