Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
