Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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