i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
