best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize