Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
